Saying no is difficult. Nokomis does not respond well to this one second sound! She has thrown tantrums that have easliy exceeded 90 minutes in response to this short answer. Along with the tantrums, there is the physical damage that goes along with it. So it is not hard to understand why it is so tempting to give her what she wants...
The problem with not saying no is obvious. Giving the child what she wants only serves to make the no that much more damaging. Children should not have everything they want because they truely do not know what is good for them.
My daughter can not have access to the internet. She asks but the answer must always be no. We had somebody watching my children the other day and sure enough, Nokomis was trying to persuade the person that the internet was ok for her to use. My daughter called me at work to get the password which I explained to the sitter was not allowed. The problem I was having was how to deliver the no with out putting the sitter in a volatile situation. I told Nokomis that we can't let her use the internet. It just isn't possible. I reminded her that she knew this was the case and that it just was not going to work out. I tried to take an approach that showed this to be "our" problem. I held my breath and said goodbye. Turns out she spared the sitter any trouble and acted like everything was fine.
The reason I mention this is not to give wise advice as to how to deal with a child with FASD. Often times, todays success is tomorrows failure. The point is that even though saying no is necessary, it does not come without great risks. In this instance God spared our sitter the trouble that could have easily happened.
The problem with not saying no is obvious. Giving the child what she wants only serves to make the no that much more damaging. Children should not have everything they want because they truely do not know what is good for them.
My daughter can not have access to the internet. She asks but the answer must always be no. We had somebody watching my children the other day and sure enough, Nokomis was trying to persuade the person that the internet was ok for her to use. My daughter called me at work to get the password which I explained to the sitter was not allowed. The problem I was having was how to deliver the no with out putting the sitter in a volatile situation. I told Nokomis that we can't let her use the internet. It just isn't possible. I reminded her that she knew this was the case and that it just was not going to work out. I tried to take an approach that showed this to be "our" problem. I held my breath and said goodbye. Turns out she spared the sitter any trouble and acted like everything was fine.
The reason I mention this is not to give wise advice as to how to deal with a child with FASD. Often times, todays success is tomorrows failure. The point is that even though saying no is necessary, it does not come without great risks. In this instance God spared our sitter the trouble that could have easily happened.